Preface: Awhile ago, a couple of acquaintances of mine were assembling a comics anthology project and asked for submissions.  I knew going in that chances the project would actually be carried through to completion were less than perfect, but I wanted to try working in comic script form--if nothing else, I figured it would be an interesting exercise. 

I wrote the following nine-page script, “Dry Eye Syndrome,” and submitted it to the editors.  It was accepted and slated for inclusion in the anthology, and then…nothing.  Months later I happened to ask one of the organizers about it and sure enough, the project had fallen apart due to several factors (none of which quite explained why they hadn’t informed the contributors of the anthology’s defunct status, however). So it goes.

This is the script I wrote (with a couple of minor tweaks).  Obviously, it wasn’t really intended to be read in this form—ideally it would have been drawn per the art cues given in the script--so use your imagination and try to picture this story the way it should have appeared. 

Actually, half the time one has to do that even with comics that actually are completed and drawn, so maybe it’s fine this way in the end.      

(Oh, on page 8, the bits about “the statue of the fallen ancient hero” and the “Elmside Quarter”—all the stories in the proposed anthology were to share the same world/setting in order to somehow tie them together, and the editors had decided that one of the defining characteristics of ‘the city’ was that at its center stood a statue of some ancient hero that died tragically. I guess the “Elmside Quarter” was what they’d decided the suburbs of the city were called. Anyway, these bits were my nod to the premise.)  

“Dry Eye Syndrome” by Aaron J. Poehler

At its heart, this is a story about superhero comics.  The idea here is not “superheroes in the real world,” but is a study in contrast between the bright, primary-colored world a superheroic character inhabits and the relatively gray, muted world the rest of us live.in  Ideally, the artist chosen for this story would be able to show this by varying the art style to reflect the internal world of the characters (this will be detailed in the script). 

It’s also a story about women.

The tone I’m going for here is similar to Astro City: a human story set in a fantastic environment, a story of the person inside the costume.  The main character has relatively low-level superspeed, perhaps limited to approximately the speed of sound; obviously, (like all superspeed heroes) he’s a thinly-veiled pastiche of the Flash, but with none of the secondary powers—no vibrating through walls, no ‘total molecular control’, no transferring or stealing speed, no making pants out of energy.  He just runs fast.  Let’s call him “Quickness” for now.

Assuming this script actually gets drawn and included in a form similar to this with this pagination, I’d like to request that if at all possible, it’s laid out with page one on a left-side page, so that page nine is also on a left-side page.

PAGE ONE: This should be a standard six-panel page, divided into two columns of three panels.  In the left side column, from top to bottom, we see a woman packing a suitcase; in the right-hand column, our hero fighting crime.  The idea here is in the time she takes to take a shirt out of the drawer and place it in her suitcase, the hero fights three separate fights and wins three separate battles, so each right-hand panel here is just a snapshot from the full ‘adventure.’  I’d suggest the left-hand panels be more illustrative, perhaps in a style something like Adrian Tomine or reminiscent of 50s romance comics.  The right-hand panels should be silver-agey and dynamic, maybe even Kirbyesque.  The captions over all panels are an interior narrative. 

Panel 1: an establishing shot of an upper-middle class suburban bedroom.  A woman in her late 20s is standing at the dresser, getting ready to open a drawer.  This is SARA, an intelligent upper middle-class American woman.  She has shoulder-length brown hair tied back into a ponytail, and is wearing jeans with a nice blouse, not too dressy but not too casual.  She looks good; she’s an attractive NORMAL woman (read: no hugely exaggerated comic-book breasts/hips).  She doesn’t look too happy though.

CAPTION:
When I was little, maybe only six or seven, my mother sat me down and told me “People become what they pretend to be.”

Panel 2: Interior of a typical bank.  QUICKNESS is fighting a standard gang of bank robbers with ski masks, who brandish guns to no avail.  One is holding bags of money (typical duffel bags should be fine, probably a bit over the top to have Uncle Scrooge money bags with $ signs on them), one is getting punched, one lies already unconscious on the floor.  Quickness is smiling, clearly enjoying himself. 

CAPTION:
I took this advice to heart and told every adult I met that I was a bear.  They all agreed with me, so I thought pretending had made my wish come true.

Panel 3: Tight shot of a woman’s hands removing a small stack of sweaters (let’s say three) from the drawer.

CAPTION:
I thought my mother was a genius. 

CAPTION:
Later on, when I started dating I quickly realized that even if you could change yourself by pretending, you can’t change other people that way.

Panel 4: This is a completely different location than depicted in Panel Two, on the observation deck of a tall skyscraper.  Quickness is fighting a generic Captain Cold-type super-villain, who is shooting a generic ray gun at him and missing.  This situation looks slightly more dangerous than in Panel 2, but Quickness still smiles as is there’s no risk.

CAPTION:
By the time I graduated high school, I realized that my mom had wasted a good chunk of her life with fooling herself and pretending, and I decided I didn’t want to end up twice-divorced and alone like her. 

Panel 5: SARA is placing the stack of sweaters in a small suitcase that rests on the queen-sized bed.

CAPTION:
Later, in college, I learned she was just quoting something Kurt Vonnegut wrote anyway. 

Panel 6: Yet another completely different location: a public park, perhaps with a small fountain and patches of grass.  QUICKNESS fights an army of generic humanoid robots, still smiling.  In the background can be seen a generic Dr. Sivana mad scientist-type riding in the head of a giant endboss-type robot, holding a remote control with one hand and pointing at Quickness with his other hand; he looks like he’s shouting “Destroy him, my robotic minions!” or something similar.

CAPTION:
I don’t talk to my mother much anymore.  It’s just not worth dealing with someone so out to lunch.

PAGE TWO: Two-panel split page, maintaining the structure of the first page: two large vertical panels, SARA on the left, QUICKNESS on the right.  TITLE AND CREDITS at the bottom of this page:
TITLE: DRY EYE SYNDROME
CREDITS: Written by Aaron Poehler, Art/Colors/Letters/Edits by whoever is doing this stuff

Panel 1: SARA sits on the bed next to the suitcase.  She is staring at the floor, her hands folded in her lap.  Her feet are together, and her posture is pensive.  Our view is from slightly above her, so we can see into the suitcase, which is maybe ¾ full, with the sweaters we just saw her pack on top, but her face is mostly out of sight or shadowed.  We can see there’s a small TV on in the bedroom, and on the TV is live coverage of the QUICKNESS robot fight. 

CAPTION:
You’ve got to live in the real world, no matter what the cost.

Panel 2: QUICKNESS races away from a huge pile of trashed robots and robot parts (arms, heads, etc) towards the ‘camera’, smile firmly in place.  Behind him, in front of the robot pile we can see the mad-scientist sitting on the ground tied up with smashed bits of his remote control and his endboss robot surrounding him.  A couple of policemen are milling around, one scratching his head as he looks at the spectacle in amazement.  Our POV here is from below eye level, so QUICKNESS seems to loom larger than life while the aftermath of the fight recedes behind him.

PAGE THREE:

Panel 1: long horizontal panel across the top of the page.  QUICKNESS streaks into the kitchen of the home we’ve seen SARA in, from left to right across the panel.  He’s still moving at super-speed but is in the process of slowing to normal.  He’s looking around while pulling his cowl off, so we can see his face for the first time unmasked here.  He’s an average guy in his late-20s, no facial hair, no piercings, no visible tattoos.  Dark hair, cut short but not military-short.  Slightly conservative, like a guy who might work in a law firm.  He’s in good shape, but isn’t built like Schwarzeneggar, maybe more like Lance Armstrong.  The art style here should shift away from the silver-agey feel of the Quickness panels on the previous pages and take on a slightly more realistic feel.  Sara’s word balloon comes from off-panel on the right.

QUICKNESS:
Sara…?

SARA (OFF PANEL):
In here, Bryan.

Panel 2: QUICKNESS/BRYAN walks calmly into the bedroom, now dressed in his street clothes: jeans, a black t-shirt, and a white Oxford shirt over it with the front unbuttoned.  There’s no sign of the costume at all.  SARA is sitting on the bed in exactly the same position as on PAGE 2, still looking towards the floor; even though QUICKNESS/BRYAN has entered the room, she isn’t looking up at him.  QUICKNESS/BRYAN sees the suitcase.

BRYAN:
Baby?

BRYAN:
What’s…what’s going on?  Why are you packing?

Panel 3: SARA looks up at BRYAN’s understandably confused face, pats the empty space on the bed next to her (on her right), indicating for BRYAN to sit down there.  Her face isn’t happy, but neither is it wracked with pain, it’s just sort of blank, as if she’s just trying to keep her shit together and to allow any emotion to surface might send her over the edge.

SARA:
Please, Bryan, sit down.  I need to talk to you about a few things.

Panel 4: BRYAN is in the process of sitting down, SARA’s hands are back folded in her lap.  She doesn’t look at BRYAN but she’s talking to him, while staring down at the floor.

SARA: I haven’t felt right about this relationship for a long time.  Things are all fucked up between us, and I can’t figure out any real reason why I should stay. 

Panel 5: BRYAN is now sitting next to her on the bed, with the leg nearest to her folded under him and the other extended down to the floor.  He is facing her, and reaching over with his right hand to turn her head to face him, to try and get her to look into his eyes.  She isn’t resisting, but while she allows him to turn her face towards him she keeps looking down while he is looking at her eyes.

BRYAN:
Aw, baby, come on, don’t do this.  I love you…

PAGE FOUR:

Panel 1: Same shot as Page 3 Panel 5, except now SARA has raised her eyes to meet BRYAN’S gaze.  She is looking directly into his eyes, but she still has a fairly blank expression.  BRYAN is looking increasingly distraught, though. He clearly isn’t getting the reaction from looking into her eyes that he was hoping for.

SARA:
And I love you too, Bryan.

SARA:
But that isn’t what this is about.

Panel 2: She’s turned her head back the way it was before, looking at the floor.  BRYAN has withdrawn his hand, but his body is still turned towards her.

SARA:
I just can’t fool myself anymore that this relationship is going anywhere when you keep lying to me and disappearing on me.

SARA:
You tell me you’re working late, and then you’re not there when I call.

SARA:
Sometimes even when I wake up in the middle of the night, you’re not here. 

Panel 3: SARA is getting more agitated talking about these issues, and stands while gesturing with her arms in exasperation.  BRYAN stays sitting on the bed, looking up at her.

SARA:
If I can’t count on you to be there when I need you, then what’s the point?

Panel 4: Now SARA is standing facing BRYAN, looking down on him with her hands on her hips.  BRYAN is now sitting the same way she was earlier, with his hands in his lap, looking down at the floor.

BRYAN:
It’s not what you think…

SARA:
I’m pretty sure it’s exactly what I think, actually.

Panel 5: She turns away from him again.  We see her in the foreground and him still sitting on the bed behind her.  He looks surprised, flabbergasted even.

SARA:
Or are you going to lie yet again and tell me you’re not running around fighting crime or whatever every time my back is turned?

PAGE FIVE:

Panel 1: Bryan is still on the bed but he’s had the wind knocked out of him, he’s limp.  Sara, however, is getting angrier; she’s mad and venting by going on a bit of a rant.  She gesticulates with her arms, emphasizing her words, and Bryan is chagrined by what she says.   

BRYAN:
How did…Who…Who told you?
SARA:
What, you think I’m so stupid I couldn’t put it together on my own?

SARA:
I’m not a goddamn halfwit, Bryan, I’ve known for nearly a year. 

Panel 2: Sara points at the TV

SARA:
Every time we’re lying in bed and bad news comes on that TV you suddenly have to “go to the bathroom,” or “get something from the garage,” or if it’s really bad you “forgot something at work.”

Panel 3: Sara rolls her eyes skyward, and makes “air quotes” with her fingers emphasizing the ridiculousness of her words (and therefore Bryan’s excuse)

SARA: I think my favorite was the time we were invaded by monsters from an alien dimension, and during a nationwide state of emergency that lasted for a full week somehow you still had to go on a “business trip” that couldn’t be cancelled.  The world’s coming to a fucking end and you expect me to believe this shit?

Panel 4: Bryan is starting to get it, or so he thinks.  He gets up from the bed and gently tries to take SARA’s hand.

BRYAN:
Baby…you’re right.  I’m sorry, I’ve been an asshole. 

BRYAN:
But...look, can’t we move past this?  Now that you know about my other job, I don’t have to lie anymore, we can be…

SARA.
(cutting him off)
No.  No, I don’t think so.

Panel 5: She’s really pissed now.  She’s getting aggressively emotional about it, too.  They’re standing face-to-face about two feet apart, and she points directly at him with her right hand accusingly.  Her face is contorted with anger, and tears stream from both her eyes.

SARA:
You’ve had two years to tell me if you were going to, and you didn’t have the guts.  You’ve treated me like a…like a child that couldn’t be trusted. 

BRYAN:
But baby…

Panel 6:
SARA:
You, you just don’t get it, do you?  It’s not even that I hate you lying to me all the time about your…”other job,” it’s that your other job is what makes you a shitty boyfriend!

PAGE SIX:
Panel 1: Sara has turned away from him, and covers her face with her hand.  Bryan is still dumbfounded and doesn’t understand.

BRYAN:
Look, I’ve got an obligation to use my gifts to help people…

SARA:
And what about me?  I’m “people!”  If you love me so much, how can you go running off and leave me every time there’s a crisis?  And what about those freaks you fight, I bet one or two of those idiots is smart enough to figure out that you don’t run around in that suit 24 hours a day!

BRYAN:
Well…

SARA:
Right, that’s what I thought!  You put me at risk every time you put on that stupid suit!

Panel 2: A silent panel as she lets what she’s said soak in. She’s got some of it out of her system now, and is starting to calm down a bit.  Bryan is clearly stressed out now, and runs his right hand through his hair nervously.  They both look down at the floor.  Despite the fact that they’re only a couple feet apart, the distance between them seems unbridgeable.  Through the gap between them, we can see the TV is still on, but silent.

Panel 3: SARA sits back down on the bed and gestures to the spot where Bryan was sitting before. 

SARA:
Look…honey, can you sit back down here?

Panel 4: Bryan sits next to her on the bed.  Sara takes his hands in hers as they face each other, but their eyes are still downcast.  Big panel with balloons spread out as they talk and neither one is moving.

SARA:
I’m sorry, I let myself get a little out of control there.  That wasn’t fair to you.

BRYAN:
Well…

SARA:
No, let me finish.

SARA:
I love you, and I know you love me.  That’s not what this is about.

SARA:
But the way you live your life, it’s not fair to me.  It’s not fair at all.  Even in the best of situations, it takes a lot of commitment and time to make love work.  It’s not easy.

SARA:
I’m not getting 100% from you.  Between your job, your “other job”, and everyday bullshit, I’m barely getting 25%--on a good day.  You don’t ever seem like you’re fully here with me, it always seems like part of you is a million miles away or on the moon or something.

PAGE SEVEN:

Panel one: Tighter shot of BRYAN & SARA’s faces, same pose/positions as PAGE SIX Panel four, as SARA continues to talk.  Her eyes are downcast, but BRYAN is looking at the TV, off to his left.  She hasn’t noticed yet.

SARA: I know it’s not fair to give you an ultimatum or something like that, but I really just can’t keep, uh…

Panel two: Same shot as panel one, except SARA has raised her eyes and is looking at BRYAN’S face.  He  isn’t looking back at her.  He’s watching the TV.

SARA:
…I can’t keep living this, um…

Panel three: Same shot, except SARA has lowered her eyes again in resignation.

SARA:
Never mind.

Panel four: BRYAN puts his hand on SARA’s shoulder, still looking at the TV, still sitting on the bed.  SARA realizes he hasn’t heard a word she’s said for the past few minutes, and her eyes are downcast.

BRYAN:
I’m…I’m sorry, honey, but it looks like I have to run.

SARA:
No.  No, you really don’t.  That’s what I was trying to tell you, you don’t have to.

Panel five: BRYAN stands up, facing SARA sitting on the bed.  She’s not looking up at him. 

BRYAN: I’m sorry.

SARA: If you were really sorry you wouldn’t be running out on me.

Panel six: Exactly the same panel & poses as the last panel, except now BRYAN has the QUICKNESS costume on again.  Obviously he’s just pulled it out of wherever he keeps it and put it on faster than the eye can see.   

BRYAN:
I…I don’t know what to say to that.

BRYAN:
I really am sorry, but I’ve got to go.  Every second I stay here people could be dying.

SARA:
I know.

Panel seven:
Sara stands and turns her back on QUICKNESS, looking down into her open suitcase.

SARA:
And that’s why I’m packing.

PAGE EIGHT: This page is just several shots of QUICKNESS running to the battle he’s off to, essentially.  As the page progresses each panel zooms in tighter on QUICKNESS, starting from a long shot and moving in to a tight shot on his face.

Panel one: Long horizontal panel, stretching the width of the page.  Exterior shot of the house, nice, average, suburban, quiet; I guess it’s set in the ‘Elmside Quarter’.  QUICKNESS streaks away from the house, with ‘speed trails’ indicating he exited through the garage door.  Silent panel.

Panel two: QUICKNESS streaks by the statue of the fallen ancient hero, thus tying the story in with the common setting and giving us some resonance about the sacrifices required of a hero blah blah blah.

CAPTION: Ever since I accidentally got this power five years ago, I’ve had to give up a lot of what I used to consider a ‘normal’ life.

Panel three: QUICKNESS running, background is just a blur to focus on the isolation of running like this.
CAPTION: I’ve lost a lot because of wearing this costume, but it does come with some benefits.  I can eat as much as I want and I always stay at my ideal weight, and I get plenty of exercise. On my worst day I still look way better than my best day before the accident.

Panel four: similar to Panel 3, but pull tighter in on the head and upper torso.
CAPTON: When I really have to be somewhere at a certain time, I’m just there.  I’m never late for anything anymore; even the problems of juggling two identities don’t make me tardy.

Panel five: Tighter in, just the head now.  He should maybe look sad, but more likely just kind of ‘stiff-upper-lip’, with his jaw set in grim determination, trying to focus just on his upcoming fight and not his personal problems.

CAPTION: Another side benefit of running this fast is that I never get sweaty.  No matter how hard I’m working, even the smallest bead of perspiration evaporates immediately.

Panel six: just the eye, seen from the right side through the mask.  Not even a hint of wetness should be seen. 

CAPTION: It works for tears, too.

Panel seven: Page ends with silent long shot of QUICKNESS from behind arriving at the scene of the battle, with his opponent visible in front of him (in the background of the shot).  Make it a dinosaur wearing a jacket or something.
 
PAGE NINE:

Panel 1:
A darkened, shadowy laboratory, probably in an abandoned warehouse or underground bunker or something.  The robot-controlling mad scientist from pages 1-2 is sitting at a 
workbench tinkering with some piece of a robot, like a severed hand or something. He’s wearing some kind of magnifing glasses for tiny mechanical work like watchmakers wear. He’s got receding white hair, he’s probably in his early 60s.  Behind him, we see an open door, with bright light pouring into the workspace, silhouetting a woman’s form carrying a suitcase.  (It’s SARA, duh.)

SCIENTIST: *Sigh* So, he didn’t go for it?

Panel 2:
Now she’s walked up right behind him.  He doesn’t look at her, continues working on his robot arm or whatever.  She looks genuinely sad.

SARA: No. 

SCIENTIST: Damn.  Well, I guess it’s back to square one with Plan XJ247, then.  Do you think he suspected?

Panel 3: Sara looks down, her eyes closed, she looks ashamed.  Scientist keeps working.

SARA: No, I’m pretty sure he didn’t.  I think the fact that I didn’t recall my programming until I was out of there helped make me more convincing.

SCIENTIST: Yeah, that was the idea.  Had he accepted you would have just lived out your life completely unaware you were an artificial person.

Panel 4: silent.  Same poses, maybe stat of Panel 3.  Sara doesn’t quite know what to say, Scientist is clearly only speaking when spoken to.

Panel 5: Sara turns and looks at the scientist.

SARA: So...what happens to me now?

SCIENTIST: You?  I don’t know, I guess I’ll deactivate you for the time being.  Maybe send him a photo of your inert body and frame one of my competitors for your murder or something.

SCIENTIST: Don’t worry, it won’t hurt. 

Panel 6: Scientist turns from his work and looks her in the face for the first time.

SCIENTIST: Well, in any case it’ll hurt a lot less than what you’re going through right now.

SARA: No, I understand.

Panel 7.  Scientist reaches out a hand to her.

SCIENTIST: Hey, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want this to happen, believe me.  I just wanted him out of the way so I could get on with my work without his constant, unpredicable interruptions.

Panel 8: He hugs her, pulling her close.  She doesn’t resist but her body language is kinda stiff.  He stares off in the distance behind her.

SCIENTIST: This is pretty much the worst of all possible outcomes.  I don’t mind hurting people that get in my way of my plans, but this, this...

Panel 9: He’s still holding her, the two of them silhouetted.  We see a framed photo in front of him on the workbench, of a much younger version of the scientist with his arm around a woman that looks like a slightly older version of Sara, holding a baby.  They’re both smiling like happy fools.

SCIENTIST: ...This is a pain I can imagine all too easily.   

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